Parenting, and figuring out my own tune

I just read Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mom and it has got me thinking. I have worried about my kids finding good friends a lot. But why? (I think it may be because I moved a lot growing up, and that was always a worry for me when I moved). They will make friends, regardless, and if I teach them skills like self-discipline and manners at home, they should seek out kids with the same types of skills. So maybe I need to think less about play dates and more about academic skills.

I have always known my kids were smart kids. Not brilliant, child prodigy's (thank goodness... I can barely spell it let alone handle one). But smart enough to get by... But reading that book has gotten me to re-evaluate my parenting. Thinking about pushing harder, being the best. Although I'm not even close to being as driven as the author is (her daughter played in Carnegie Hall as a 13-year old), I can do much more for my kids, pushing their talents more and investing more in their education. Kids gain self-confidence when they do something well, especially something hard, not when someone coddles them and lets them know constantly how awesome they are for doing something that comes easy.

However, at the same time, I don't want to teach my kids self-discipline by screaming and yelling at them constantly (like the book). And I do believe in the importance of taking time for imaginative play.

In my quest to find a happy medium for me, I kicked it up a notch last week. The kids did a lot more chores. I printed out math pages and we practiced reading. And it went really well. My house was a lot cleaner. Whenever they whined, I calmly gave them another chore, and by the end of the week, they were finishing chores without me harping on them to finish. We still played and had a lot of fun, but I don't think we missed anything. Well, to be fair, we had a friend stay over half the week while her parents were out of town, so even doing chores was like having a play date. But I think I need to trust that my kids will find good friends if I just focus on my own modeling and spend more time with them prepping them academically and ethically.