me being a good mom

When describing my family, I always use one word. Artists And although only one of my siblings actually gets paid being an artist, every one of them is extremely artistic, whether with music, paint, or rooms. And while I feel like the least artistic of my fam, I still live on the time I spend dabbling with paint or music. Years ago, when I visualized myself in the far future, I could see myself painting in the back of my (clean) home, with kids arriving home from school. It was seriously like a vision to me.

So you'd think as a stay-at-home mom, I would be up to my elbows in art projects with my kids. You'd think. Here's the problem: I'm a little too OCD. Before I even start the projects, all I can see is the mess of paper, paint in the hair, damage to who-knows-what, and clean-up time. I love taking them to places where they can do art projects. I'm not one of those moms who fix my kid's projects to make them look right.grrrrrf I don't care how many eyes or ears my kids' puppets have. They can be as creative as they want. As long as I don't have to have the mess in my kitchen.

Here is my shameless pat-on-the back. Despite the fact that my house was a disaster (last night I was too sick to clean and I was gone all morning), I decided to be a mother and went outside in the garage and helped paint a box with my kids. Paint it into a little house. I did have to hold my breath so I didn't waste this good will getting upset about the paint on shirts, hair, etc. But -pat-pat- I did it and got a picture to prove it.

Rays shining through

There are those moments that make motherhood SO worth it. Today was one.

I awoke with the kids playing quietly in the other room (thanks to my husband), when Kyle came in to check on me. I offered to help him make his bed, but after a couple minutes, he got excited. "Let's do secret service!" he said, so we both went in to Bekah's room to make her bed. Bekah must have heard us, because she promptly informed us that we couldn't come out of the bedrooms because SHE was doing secret service in the kitchen. So 20 min. later, I found myself enjoying breakfast on our new patio furniture with 2 happy kids, all the bedrooms cleaned, and the dishwasher emptied. And I hadn't even asked for this goodness.

The rest of the day has been a delight. Lunch with "Aunt Chris" ... my old neighbor who is an adopted family member. Reading books with the kids. Now they are at a baseball game with Rob (and there was NO sigh of relief when they left with their dad). Nothing grand, just simple goodness. The sun is definitely breaking through my clouds.

When it rains it pours

We are doing well, although it seems to be one crisis after another. Three months ago, I remember saying out loud how we didn't really have any problems in our lives. I am so glad that I recognized and enjoyed it then. That calm before the storm. Between house, health, and family crises, we are perservering. No one has died and Rob still has a job that he loves, so that is great. I mean GREAT!

Speaking of one drop in the deluge, I am now 4 months pregnant, and still sick... which is actually getting worse rather than better. Once I throw up over a hundred times, I confess my attitude becomes more cynical. I just can't get on top of it, and walk around feeling so dehydrated, even when I keep things down. Yet I know this is better than last pregnancy. Rob has been absolutely FANTASTIC... and that does deserve capitals. From fixing broken appliances, cooking when I can't, handling plumbers and flooding, a shoulder to cry on, giving good council, etc. etc. Some trials are worth going through just to appreciate and grow closer to those around you. And I am not just talking about my husband right now, I am talking to the rest of my family, too.

So I am grateful. Under this layer of cynicism and hurt, I am grateful. Or if I am not at this exact moment, I know I will be. I truly believe that we will come out better in the end by clinging to each other and God.