Ahah!

I am an organizer. I always carry a planner and write in it regularly. I love a to-do list that I can check off. I love things organized. In my dream house, there is a mud room lined with cabinets and shelves, everything in it's place. So in a juxtaposition of contrasting natures, next to my organizer/productive-self, and just as strongly inherent in my nature, is my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants self. Although I love to plan out my week, I hate having things overly planned, or even worse, planned too far in advance. What if it is a beautiful day? What if a friend unexpectedly calls?

Why bring this up? I have been trying to plan a trip to a family reunion this summer. I have avoided it for months, and now as I sit and try to figure out dates and times, I am getting so anxious. Even after finding a flight that I want, it will be days, maybe weeks before I actually book it.

For years, I always thought that I was a planner. Because I thrive on organization in my home, I assumed that I must also like organization of my time. Not to mention that I always use my planner. It was only this morning, as I was sitting in the park, watching kids play (another spur-of-the-moment decision), that I had this self-realization. I am not a planner! Woah! I realized that I carry the planner because I want to be productive while I'm being spontaneous.

As a typical woman, a huge part of my life is just understanding myself... my authentic self. I know nobody cares about this but me, but it is my blog. So you can just stop reading (which you probably already have). I'd like to think my husband cares, but in reality, he has given up figuring me out years ago. Bless him.

So that's it. Just one little ahah moment that I wanted to share with you. I hope you all take a moment of meditation to ahah yourself. Now maybe I can get my husband to book those flights.