Parenting is killing me...

... it's not the diapers, or disciplining, or even laundry. No. I am completely overwhelmed. My daughter cried herself to sleep tonight. I know it's the first of probably many times but I have been crying ever since...

A new school year has started, and with it a shift in classes as they mix up the two 1st grade classes. What was left was Bekah in one class, while most of her friends ended up in the other class... including her best friend. While they still have recess together, others have naturally made new friends. Unfortunately Bekah is more of a one-best-friend girl and dislikes playing with a bunch of girls. So that has left her feeling very lonely and very left out.

This is killing me! We talk about how to make friends, talk about what she can do. But at the end of the day, she is still bawling in her bed that she will never make friends. And I feel horrible because I'm not being supportive or loving enough or whatever-enough, and knowing exactly how she feels. I moved into a new school in 1st grade, too (as well as moving in other grades). It's SO painful to see her struggle, especially when I know how acute that very pain is. Seriously, if this is how I feel when my 1st grader feels left out then what the heck am I going to do with bigger issues (especially because I have gone into her school and have seen that she does have friends and people ARE kind to her), ???

This is so hard. I'm telling you, it's like my heart is being stomped on. I don't know how God does it.

so old

We went camping last night.

As we were sitting around the fire, I told stories from when I was younger. My kids love these. I started to tell them about when I was really young, we had a station wagon.

"Do you know what a station wagon is?" I asked.

"Yup, we do," piped my daughter definitively, "it's what the pioneers crossed the plains on!"

Ummm... not quite.

This reminds me of an experience I had a couple weeks ago. My husband and I were talking to his younger cousin and his beautiful fiance. They were telling us how they met, how their engagement has been, etc, and we were sharing our story with them. Then we both commented that how as you get older, age doesn't really matter as much as it does when you are young.

I was about to say, "Yeah, just like you and us are not that different..." I kid you not, that was on the tip of my tongue, when his fiance said, "Yeah just like you and Sid and Steph,"... their parents. I could hardly stop laughing.

I guess am no longer associated with the younger crowd. Unless I am visiting a nursing home. What? When did this happen? Apparently years ago, I probably just didn't notice it because I was changing somebody's diaper.

Here's the clincher... I am actually closer in age to his parents than to the engaged couple. How's that? Ahh... but it's a good age! And I certainly wouldn't change it.

A few pictures from our Portland trip

we hiked to the very top of these falls! The kids were so great hiking on this trip!



So we had tons of fun in Portland (and went to the beach obviously). Jannene and Kevin were so fun to stay with and it turned out to be a fantastic family vacation (although, Rob would probably point out that it was a family trip. A "vacation" involves just sitting and relaxing, not nearly so much hiking and traveling around.

Another wild child?

"While your 7-month-old has already accomplished a great deal by this time, it's almost as if the first six months of his life have been a training period for active duty."
That's what my book says.

Check.

This week my baby has changed. Gone is this sedate, easy-going baby. He is still a happy camper, but he is now an explorer. If anything is close-to-within reach, it will be his. I put him down on the floor and in about 3 seconds, I turn to find him sucking on a cord. He broke a vase yesterday because I walked by it, and he grabbed the flowers before I could even think. Last week he would gag eating cherrios, this week, he is only interested in solids. Bottle feeding takes FOREVER, as he is not very interested in just sitting and sucking. Even as I was feeding him today, and he was so tired that he was falling asleep, his hand was still out trying to grab my face, or anything else around. He is even starting to use the chewed-up sippy cups passed down from older siblings.

He has become squirrelly. And while he is not crawling yet (thank goodness!), he is starting to get around. As he is constantly bouncing (people remark about that constantly) or moving. I am beginning to think that while he may have started out calm, this child is really not so different than my other two.
:)

AMAZING

I am really loving the law change here in Utah about fireworks. As we were driving home from a family BBQ, it was so beautiful to see so many big aerial fireworks going off across the valley. Beautiful!

Parenting, and figuring out my own tune

I just read Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mom and it has got me thinking. I have worried about my kids finding good friends a lot. But why? (I think it may be because I moved a lot growing up, and that was always a worry for me when I moved). They will make friends, regardless, and if I teach them skills like self-discipline and manners at home, they should seek out kids with the same types of skills. So maybe I need to think less about play dates and more about academic skills.

I have always known my kids were smart kids. Not brilliant, child prodigy's (thank goodness... I can barely spell it let alone handle one). But smart enough to get by... But reading that book has gotten me to re-evaluate my parenting. Thinking about pushing harder, being the best. Although I'm not even close to being as driven as the author is (her daughter played in Carnegie Hall as a 13-year old), I can do much more for my kids, pushing their talents more and investing more in their education. Kids gain self-confidence when they do something well, especially something hard, not when someone coddles them and lets them know constantly how awesome they are for doing something that comes easy.

However, at the same time, I don't want to teach my kids self-discipline by screaming and yelling at them constantly (like the book). And I do believe in the importance of taking time for imaginative play.

In my quest to find a happy medium for me, I kicked it up a notch last week. The kids did a lot more chores. I printed out math pages and we practiced reading. And it went really well. My house was a lot cleaner. Whenever they whined, I calmly gave them another chore, and by the end of the week, they were finishing chores without me harping on them to finish. We still played and had a lot of fun, but I don't think we missed anything. Well, to be fair, we had a friend stay over half the week while her parents were out of town, so even doing chores was like having a play date. But I think I need to trust that my kids will find good friends if I just focus on my own modeling and spend more time with them prepping them academically and ethically.

It's the Good Stuff

Just thinking about what a great stage we are at. The other evening, our oldest child had to sit in the car while the rest of us ate at Cafe Rio (isn't parenting fun!). One lady was looking at the car, so I went out to just tell her we were right there and she laughed and said something like, "been there, done that!"

It just reminded me, I am living the dream! I am right in the middle of that stage of life that I will talk and think about for the rest of my life. The time that old people always come up and pat you on the arm and say, "Enjoy it!" And I am, darn it! Right now, I am watching my two oldest draw pictures of bikes and discuss decorating their bikes in the bike parade we are going to tonight. I love listening to them make plans. My baby is on my lap, just looking up and grinning at me. Isn't this wonderful!

Speaking of my kids making plans: I should probably give Kevin, my brother-in-law, the magician, a heads-up. Kyle decided the other day that he was going to ask Santa for magic for Christmas. Yes, this is the same boy who spent all last year discussing what kind of robot he wanted for Chistmas... the one that could clean and make puppies and build a truck to take us to the Himalayas. I told him that Santa couldn't share his magic, because that was what he used to get kids gifts. So Kyle decided he was going to discuss how to get magic with Uncle Kevin.

Ok. To be fair, some of this bliss may be influenced by the fact that my husband and I are going to NYC shortly. Just us. Alone for almost 4 days. And I will NOT be pining for home.